Tuesday 3 May 2011

Relapse

Things were going good i was studying and was planning to go to the masjid and pray but the urge to look at porn become very strong and there i was locked in my room for ages looking at the same old women and the same old vile.

I suppose constantly thinking about uni work contributed to me needing a relief, i need to monitor what triggers the urge, its the only way i can stop watching porn.

I dont watch porn because i enjoy it, i watch it because it is the only time that i feel excited and enthusiastic, if i could trade one kidney in return for sobriety i would take that chance as fast as the speed of light.

Porn makes me forget about the problems i have for a short period and after that its back to grim reality, i cannot live like this.

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