Since the last porn free stint that ended abruptly i've been binging like crazy only because im using porn a source of making me happy and it helps me keep my mind off things, just thinking about how far ive gone with this addiction is daunting...ive become super addicted, chemicals induced by watching porn have become a very important part of my brain.

i gain nothing and lose everything

theres two main parts to quitting this addiction

the first dependency is a psychological one....boredom/anger/sadness/stress/low confidence.


its linked to my emotions and my lifestyle....what ive noticed is that if i change my lifestyle and make it more fulfilling i can overcome this part, i no longer watch porn every 2 days just be normal....i can go on for 2-3 weeks

the second part is the chemical dependency which is painful, its the hardwiring of the brain with the dopamine rush that makes things really complex, changing this is the toughest thing...urges could occupy my whole day completely but if i resist it will go away for a complete week before returning and the tricky thing is you might escape one week but the other you might not...its keeping up the good work and having the consistency....which is the key to success

I need to keep positive

anger + low confidence + boredom = porn

I need go to the masjid more often, read more quran and keep myself busy, ive done well for 16 days but the last few days ive hit a dead end

I have to stay focused, i cannot be careless and lazy...i need to be on my feet...if an urge hits i have to get up and busy myself.

I should not enlarge thoughts in my mind...if they surface i should stop and think about something else until it goes

i went 16 days without porn and here i am now just relapsed and feeling absolutely shit....i have gained nothing.....i wasted my time and thats it really.

16 days is good...its not likely that i will quit one time all together i have to make progress slowly and then i will be able to quit.

things ive noticed today, is that i went out and seeing all these half naked women contributed to my urge...i could have dealt with the urge better but i was hitting a wall and had not much to do...revision made matters worse as i couldnt be bothered.

i viewed and here i am....nothing gained and so much lost

Day 5 - relapse

Another relapse, i could have totally avoided this one but i dwelled in bad thoughts for some time until, i got the urge to watch porn but luckily in the end i became disinterested because i actually felt happy praying and being sober and porn was taking this happiness away from me.

I feel as though i can curb this, i just need to keep going.

Ive come to the conclusion that stress, low-confidence and loneliness makes the porn bond so strong...when i treat each of the things I've mentioned, porn loses its power so its just a matter of keeping up the good work, this porn addiction wont be cured after 5 days or 5 weeks. i need to keep going fighting urge after urge until i restore some balance.

Day 3

I generally feel better, I've stayed clean for 3 days now and my plan is to keep going, hopefully i will complete a week and that should spur me on even more.

Relapse

Things were going good i was studying and was planning to go to the masjid and pray but the urge to look at porn become very strong and there i was locked in my room for ages looking at the same old women and the same old vile.

I suppose constantly thinking about uni work contributed to me needing a relief, i need to monitor what triggers the urge, its the only way i can stop watching porn.

I dont watch porn because i enjoy it, i watch it because it is the only time that i feel excited and enthusiastic, if i could trade one kidney in return for sobriety i would take that chance as fast as the speed of light.

Porn makes me forget about the problems i have for a short period and after that its back to grim reality, i cannot live like this.

Questions to ask yourself

1. Will acting on this temptation bring me long-term satisfaction or instant gratification

1. What will be the end result if I act on this temptation?
2. If I choose to act on this temptation will it make my life better or worse?
3. Do I take 100% responsibility for my own actions or do I blame others and make excuses?
4. Can the addicted part of my brain force me to act out against my will?
5. Is there a part of me that wants to walk away from this?
6. Can I choose to follow that part that wants to walk away?
7. Is there a feeling of peace that will come to me if I walk away?
8. Would I feel better about myself tomorrow if I didn’t act out today?
9. Will I honor the rational part of my brain that is encouraging me to walk away from this temptation?

These are questions that i should ask myself every time i am about to view porn, instead of just succumbing, I need to step back and think about things, its easier said than done because of the sheer power of the urge, nonetheless i have to try hard that's the best i can do.

I've relapsed again today when i shouldn't have, its a friday and i started the day well i prayed fajr and then went back to sleep but after awhile i was overwhelmed with the urge to view porn, i dont know what triggered it, i need to stay positive and pick myself up, friday prayers will be in about an hour insha'Allah i need to get myself ready.